Summertime in Venice

Have you ever watched a movie that broke your heart ?

When I was a teenager, that movie was "Summertime in Venice" with Kate Hepburn. Kate played the part of a lonely spinster who saved her money for a solo trip to Italy .I can see her now, after arriving, throwing open the doors of her room enchanted by the piazza below.
Venice.
And then later, eating with a married couple on that same piazza feeling like a fifth wheel. Trying desperately to fit in somewhere. .

It seemed to me that I rather looked like her but without the glorious high cheek bones. Slender, freckled, unremarkable hair., knobby knees .We were nothing like the busty stars of that day; Marilyn, Jayne, and Sophia.
Kate and I.

I have to confess that I always thought I would be a spinster, an unmarried lady, still on the shelf , alone. I hadn't thought of this specter, that had hung over me for many years, until the other night. It all came to mind as I looked around the restaurant where my family was celebrating my milestone birthday this month. Another woman was partying at another table with female friends, relatives (?) She had her sparkling crown on her head as they sang lustily to honor her day. I looked around our table, with just half my family.there, the other two grown children being away.My heart swelled. How could I tell them what having this circle means to me? A marriage of over 50 years through turmoil and calm , a place where I belong with arms that hold and protect. A son and a daughter who, no matter what, will be there for me. A daughter-in-law who is raising my two grandchildren with wisdom and love; the little grands who call me Grandma Graham. So proud to be that.

The last scene of that movie is so poignant. Kate is leaving on a train to begin her journey back to America and in the distance, her married Italian lover is racing to hand her a gift. A perfect white flower. He cannot reach her, but it's O.K.,she sees it and waves in joy. For a season, she had been loved. A season, a lifetime, I am grateful beyond telling.

This is all that matters

The dragonfly visits.Whenever I leave the house , he swirls nearby. A garden friend whose colors often make me smile. Who knew they come in blue, green , yellow and black?.They enchant me and I am grateful that I have time to notice.They flit, then light and wait, for a traveling food supply, I suppose.

How like those little insects are my thoughts, going here and there but yesterday I had a revelation. I should know this of course but something made it very real and I am holding tightly to this knowing. I offer it to all who drop by.

In the Catholic Church, the belief is that the bread consecrated at Mass becomes the body of Christ, Him and real. Not a symbol. This is something I have accepted without understanding how this can be so.What in the natural world is like this phenomenon ? It is like believing that God had no beginning and will have no end: always was , always will be. When I explained this to my 5 year old granddaughter, she did a head slap and walked away.I know, it's hard.

Perhaps by just putting this belief in my pocket for another day, I was rewarded. On retreat in Alabama a few years ago, I knelt before the host in the monstrance on the altar and with eyes closed, I heard this: "This is all that matters." If you were next to me and spoke, it wouldn't have been as clear as this. And the only reason the Host would matter is if it is Christ. I believe.

Now to the other day.I was fretting over some slight, some sharp tone headed my way, a  feeling of being overlooked and I brought that to prayer.This is what was given to me:.".if you have done your best, as you know it, the rest is out of your hands.Seek first the kingdom and leave the rest at My feet. It is of no consequence." What freedom! To know, really know that I have a choice about these matters.I can dwell on the hurts or release them and focus on what, in the end, IS all that matters.