they've got their father's heart

 

Journal Notes 10-02-21

Kindnesses:

...an e-mail from Antionette thanking me for doing the writing group.

....John bought lunch for a lady waiting to get her car fixed.

...John picked up a man as he was walking from Kroger and drove him home.

...John brought a strawberry shake home as a  surprise for me.

My very insightful niece had written  to me on December 22nd of this year :'"the sacred cord connecting you is taut. Evidence that you are he and he is you is in your beautiful children that you created together."

 As with so many things in this hard year I gained clarity only with time. It came to me yesterday, the truth of that statement. I will give some anonymous examples because my children are like their Dad; they turn away from praise.

..a young teen visiting a wealthy man's home . He was offered an ATV to lark about on and as soon as he saw Hispanic kids his age picking grapes in the heat he couldn't do it...

...a couple walking in Las Vegas'. The man saw a homeless man half asleep on a cardboard pallet: money given and then gently the poor man was told that he mattered.

...a man is driving down a busy street when he sees a woman with three small children walking hurriedly along. He offers a ride, drops the kids where they are going, takes the Mom to a motel where she lives. Soon he is trying to find a way to get her a car.

...an adult child who doesn't leave you alone for three months; takes you to church, the movies, out to eat and teaches you how to pump gas. Drives you to the dentist when a tooth is screaming and makes sure you get home from Australia by yourself. 

...a young man, after Katrina hit the South, heads, with his truck loaded with dog and cat food, to Mississippi where he drives around trailer parks knocking on doors, seeing what people need.

 John had an employee at his restaurant who called once a year after we retired to invite him to an AA meeting for the anniversary of his sobriety. John went every year, where he was praised for the help he gave to R. At the gravesite a year ago he was the only one who was able to speak and he was wonderful, eloquent and grateful. This year all three of my Georgia children attended the anniversary for R in their Dad's place.

Yes, his heart beats in them. 

I do not want my life to be only about grief ...

 

I do not want my life to be only about grief. But it seems Facebook knows about my situation and so things pop up all the time. I have learned to skip over them but today a poem jarred loose another story that I must tell. 

The poem started this way:

"How do I live without you? Oh, my love, I do not. "

And that has been my experience. 

On December 22 of this past year I received a message from my dear niece who thinks of me so often. I can tell. She wrote: "your love for him and he for you is stronger than ever.. the sacred chord that connects you is taut...you are him and he is you...keep loving your dear man-he feels it and is longing for the day you can be together again...remember that time is not a thing where he is..it's O.K. to love someone with all your heart...it's the most beautiful blessing that you have..".

Such odd but tender words. The writer said the words came through her. Later that day I was looking for something in the closet and on a shelf is my box of cards; John's contributions in a bag on the top. On a whim or maybe one of those nudges, I took the top one out and smiled at the old folks perched on a log. I opened and read where he signed this:

07-25-07

"We are one. 

Love you, John."

The poem ends this way:

"You walked such a blazing pathway, when your feet were on this earth, that your imprint lingers on and I place my own feet in your steps, one by one.  

How do I live without you?

It's really simple, I do not." Donna Ashworth.

And in this grace filled time, on this very blessed earth, I am finding that that is O.K.

being a fairy wren

 

  I like wrens. They have been neighbors for decades on the Graham plantation. For thirty years, in the winter, one or even two will perch on a small ledge by our front door and sleep through the night. How did the first one find the ledge and did he instruct all those who followed of its safety? They only live about eight years so the mystery persists. John swore that they must have had chats. I don't know but I love to see their little feathered bodies all curled up in plain sight.

 But there are wrens and then there are wrens. Once you see an Australian fairy wren you are spoiled forever. 

My beautiful Australian daughter-in-law gave me that colorful journal you see. Above the print is a fairy wren. All the other gorgeous birds are from her home country. Some of the questions on each page are : what was the best thing about yesterday and what are you grateful for today, what are your priorities ? 

When the sun hits the fairy wren you know what a gift this bird is as it flits in your yard. Like a rare jewel has fallen from the sky. You have to smile.  And I bet you're thinking where is this going.

Years ago, while in prayer, I was asked to be Christ to someone once a day. Why I forgot that I don't know but instead of resolutions like eat more raw veggies and avoid carbs I am going to finally heed that call. Being Christ seems daunting although I get it but what about being a fairy wren to someone each day. This all seems lighter, brighter to me somehow. I look forward to it.

 When I tell the welcome lady at Wal Mart that I love her, maybe I have dropped a jewel into her apron. A simple thing. Of these things the Kingdom is made.