hardened sponge

Forever, I have struggled with a mind that quickly goes to thoughts like this:"ewww, what a terrible make-up job that is,her lipstick makes an arch up to her nostrils."This, as I kneel in prayer before Mass starts.I have gotten better at this but I caught myself yesterday thinking,"how can she wear that awful flowered print and clunky heels."When I caught myself ,I administered a mental slap and got back to prayer.

Usually,I console myself that it only a thought but today's scripture laid that comfort to rest with this prayer:

"Let the word of my mouth and the thought of my heart find favor before you,O,Lord,my rock and my redeemer."Ps.19:15."

I think that I have figured out why this thought of my heart has to be as loving as my speech.I am supposed to have the mind of Christ.Can I imagine Him thinking in that manner?As I sit and speak to my Lord is He thinking of me in that way ?In heaven I believe that we will be able to read each other's minds.This is why I will not be allowed in right away because my judgmental thinking would make the rest of of the heavenly host cringe and that would not be the pure happiness we are promised.And do these negative thoughts not travel now in some way and add to the negative energy in the world?

There might be a remedy for my problem.Most of this thinking is aimed towards people I don't know.Starting tomorrow, I will counter this with a word of hello or a conversation.By the time I am finished I will know everyone and love them as He does.That will be my goal.

"Paralyzed
by self-inflicted deserts,
you,
dew,
drop in
You gently,
imperceptibly,make your way
into hardened sponges."

Michael E. Moynahan S.J."Orphaned Wisdom"