Monday, April 27, 2015

the relationship still exists..

In the past week and a half, my husband and I have gone to four funerals and missed one sitting in an airport.April, what's going on ?All but one of the deceased were younger than me.All were loved and leave a big hole in family and church.But as with all things, there were blessings.

 The beautiful wife of my daughter's first boyfriend came to me at his Mother's funeral and quietly said, "You have no idea how my husband needed to be with your family during those high school years."She appreciated us providing some stability in that time for a lost teen.I never knew and was blessed by her tearful sharing.Connecting with him and other cross country friends from thirty years ago was a true gift and we are planning a reunion.

Today, the Mass was for a twenty-five year old who died in a construction accident.The pain in the church was palpable.At the end of the homily, the priest shared from a book on grief these thoughts:"the people you love are never cut off from you.You will always be connected and it is up to you to keep that connection."At the end the priest said, "You are still connected to your son.That will never be broken." What comfort to believe that. I hung on each word because I had never heard this spoken before although this has been my experience.

Several years ago, I was on a retreat when this assignment was given: name three things that keep you from being a completely open channel for God's love.Immediately, without thought, I wrote: "That I didn't love my family enough;didn't make their lives better, happier with my love."I was shocked at what I wrote and pondered it for a long time.It was true, but I only treated them the way I was treated and I never deliberately withheld love, just never thought much about it. This obviously was not good enough, I now knew.The challenge lay before me: what to do? Slowly, quietly and in my own time, I told each one of the three deceased members that I was sorry for the missed opportunity to make them happy with loving actions.

  I felt forgiven.

 Loved ones who have left this earth are still with us. How to connect? You can ask for help and then do it.

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