Saturday, March 23, 2013
what stands between me and Thee
"God wants the whole person and He will not rest until he gets us in entirety.No part of man will do." A.W.Tozer
This Lent has been nothing like what I expected.I have kept to my fasting from creme brulee laden coffee and have occasionally felt deprived.None of the companions that I expected to travel with showed up.Merton,Manning, Gwen John and John Von Ruysbroeck must have trod with others because they weren't with me.
There is such an important lesson in this for me.Stop planning and wait on the Lord.This Lent was about a healing that I didn't know that I needed.I am humbled beyond words.
This March,I have been unable to go to my spot on the river bank to pray and write.We have had so much rain, the path is blocked.The turkeys have come back looking for corn.And,inexplicably,my gorgeous red Christmas cactus is blooming again.It usually blooms brightly in November and when I came back from Australia,I saw its dead blooms.It must have known that missing it flower made me sad because it is throwing bright red into my kitchen now.Mystery.
The Lord wants us whole.He wants us healed.He wants us perfectly unblemished in soul.
Last week,I attended a mission at a church near here.The first night, the speaker asked this question: "What is keeping you from letting the love of God flow through you."I wrote:"My judgmental and unloving attitude towards my parents."What I wrote surprised me as it seemed to come from someplace else.I was unaware that I even thought this.He also talked about hardness of heart and I thought,"Phew!Not me."
After the mission was over, I thought little of what I had written until the young man approached me at church to say that he saw that my Mother was near.Now, I had to pay attention.But how would I remove this impediment ;my parents dead for years ?Waiting to go to confession yesterday, it became clear;"Ask for their forgiveness".And later,"pray to them not just for them."A way had been found.
Years ago, I had forgiven my parents for what was less than a happy childhood but now I was to ask for their forgiveness and I did.
The stone has been rolled away from my heart.How it happened is a miracle of grace.