Only Grace

It was years ago that I heard this word spoken in an interview on a talk show. Daniel J Trafanti, was being quizzed about his success on the TV show "Hill Street Blues." It came to light  that the actor had struggled for years with alcoholism and finally was able to reclaim his life. Then his acting success followed. When asked how, he said a simple word: grace. It was stunning to see his face shine as the interviewer looked on in puzzlement.

At Mass today we celebrated the First Holy Communion of a friend's eight year old. It brought back thoughts of my First Communion on a glorious day back in May in the '50s. We were trained down to the last detail of the ceremony for weeks by the nuns who held our lives in their stern hands for 8 years. I was so uptight, so afraid of making a mistake that I broke out in hives and could barely walk.Such fear, such rigidity that allowed for no mistake. One must be perfect. I recall in detail that my view of God was that He was up there watching and just waiting for us to make a mistake.What a horrible burden for a child to bear.

This day also brought back pictures of an entire family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins all on the lawn in the back of our house after the happy ceremony .At a young age I recall the early afternoon drinking to excess to celebrate this holy day. It all mystified me.The disconnect.

How did this fear filled child survive? How could she, a child who was so intimidated by the thought of coloring outside the lines of her coloring book that she put a small grey dot in the middle of an elephant and called it coloring, how could she make it? I thought of that as I sat among my community of friends .People I have known and loved for over 40 years. As I sat with my husband of 50 years in contentment and joy. I heard the words of the gospel," I am the vine and you are the branches and cut off from me you can nothing. (of kingdom value)."My life has had value. I have been connected. Put your hands together for grace.