Monday, January 31, 2022

Grieving makes me crazy

No one told me that losing a spouse of 55 years would feel like mental illness.

The other day, I noticed on a shelf in my room, a small pink pig. It reminded me of the Valentines gift John had brought home last year. A white and pink mug that said "hogs and kisses" with a plush pink pig stuffed in it. I put the pig with other gifts from my beloved : a hilarious scraggly pink and orange flamingo, a beanie baby penguin , a small dog, sweet items on my desk.

Those who know me are aware that Marie Kondo and her Decluttering ideas are gold to me. Simplify and toss is my motto. Not really being into hogs( I know, hugs) and since we had many mugs, the hogs one went out to the TV room to await a trip to the thrift store. That day, my heart fell to my knees as I thought " Did it hurt John's feelings to see it tossed? Did he think his gift wasn't important to me?" I cried for an hour and then made a decision. I was going to find that mug.

Two trips to different Goodwill stores.. No mug. I even went on Ebay, no luck. This Saturday, the last place it could be, a thrift store in Peachtree City . Would it be there after all these months ?If it wasn't how would I cope?

My daughter and I parked and hurried to the mug department. Passing displays for St Patrick's Day and Valentine's Day, I quickly moved on. Then my daughter said: "Mom, wasn't it a Valentine's gift?" I stopped at the shelf with the pink and red stuff and in the back, behind everything else, was my mug. I grabbed it, and we did the normal thing,  hugged and sobbed in aisle two of the Clothes Lest Travelled Thrift store. Madness. 

Approach grieving people with caution. They are not the same people that you knew.

I love my Hogs and Kisses mug, the pink pig and you, John Graham.


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Touching, amazing, revealing, memorable, thank you for sharing your feelings….

cjm said...

Your connections to your beloved husband are special and so many spouses never had them, ever. Finding things that trigger a memory are such a blessing, no doubt John had a hand in it, knowing how it would touch your heart! It will take the rest of your moments to lay down tiny bits of mending upon your heart. You will find comfort that stays, trust me. Think of the stories you can submit that will touch another grieving person, you have a Spirit led chance to help others who are just starting their own journey, because the witness that others have felt the same thing is so reassuring to hear. Priceless, my friend! Smooches, Connie

georgia peach said...

Many, many thank you s to you friend. I hesitate to post because I don't want it to seem that I am fishing for condolences. But maybe, just maybe it can help another mourner.I will risk and share..Sending love to you...

Missy said...

A lesson for me. Thank you. I love you friend.

Patricia said...

Dear Sharon, I read and feel how you have been in a newfound place of grief, a hidden source of grace to spring you back into your life which you have so much more to share with one and all.
Grief comes in many shades but with fortitude, courage takes over and life is renewed beyond compare. Heaven awaits us with so much more than we can comprehend, a silver lining to catch here on earth still.
I wait for your next wonderful story.

Anonymous said...

Your comments are special and beautiful. I'm glad you have this place to write your feelings. John is still with you and your family. I love you and your family.

Rosie M. said...

Dearest Sharon, My lifelong friend ...I have just finished walking through all your postings, ...since John was "called home.' I can feel your love for John in each and every writing; and I believe John is feeling it too.

Your determination to maintain that love connection in so many memories and actions is wonderful, and a truly remarkable choice to make. Having been around you and John so often, your love for each other was palpable.

What a wise woman you are! Facing your grief by remembering and re-experiencing those moments of joy and laughter is courageous. Many try to forget b/c the pain of loss can be overwhelming. You choose to hold John's hand in faith, therefore holding Him close to gain JOY, not just sadness.

I love the nudges and moments of precious memories. Praying for you ...love, Rosemary

Reading your blogs was heartwarming...gives me faith to face my own fears of separation.