what gets me through..

The most surprising things are getting me through this hard time. I am grateful.

On December 4th, John came home and had a small bouquet of flowers in his hand. They were rust colored chrysanthemums and I must admit my enthusiasm was tempered. Those are Fall flowers I thought as if that mattered. 

In the coming days ,I noticed the water had run out but the colors stayed. If you have read my John stories you know that my need to hold onto him has been vast and now I still had those flowers to keep. Joy, just joy. Then my daughter brought flowers and I started to hang them to dry. A friend brought tulips and believe it or not, the petals dried. They are red and yellow in a small glass bowl. I have a whole window of color from this sweet little hobby that has comforted.

The orchid gifts need tending: yellow, white, purple and blue. Who knew that learning about their care would bring solace. The pale purple one from John, my gift for Christmas, still has all its flowers. Of course it does. 

Then there are the hearts connected to mine: sons, a daughter. Their Dad is beaming at how they have done exactly what he would have hoped. The texts and calls and presence as I get used to this empty, empty house.

And those who have prayed and had no idea why, like a distant member of our writing group. Morag, who lives in South Africa. "For some unknown reason I have been praying for you. As I didn't know what to pray for I was committing you into His caring hands." Her wonderful words.

Sitting with two books that contain the photos of Thomas Merton has soothed. Remembering a day at his monastery at Gethsemane where we met a monk and watched the children tumble down a bare hill with such glee.

I found this in my Celtic Daily Prayer Book. 

"The Angel of the poor gave my father two valuable pearls:

man's mission is to be a brother ; God's wealth is the invisible world." 

For those who have treated me like a beloved sister and for those who dwell in the invisible world, I love you.