There are no rules when you approach the mad people, those who grieve. Maybe there should be a handout of suggestions given out at the funeral. So this will serve as my helpful reminder when you encounter those who have been decimated.
Don't say, "I heard you are not doing well." Really? Compared to what ? Am I hanging in the shower? Have I gained 40 pounds, lost 40 pounds? Have I sobbed at every Mass and disturbed you? What is the standard of doing well that someone shared with you? No, I haven't moved on. Yes, I can hardly think of anything other than the person who is not here. That must get boring to hear. I am sorry but that is my way of holding on to what I have lost.
Yes, this Fall session of our writing group I couldn't finish a story but someone read it for me and I didn't feel judged. How gracious, how understanding.
If a grieving person does want to share something and their eyes are filling, don't walk away and say, "It's too fresh." You have rejected their story and them. Don't say what a loss this is to our Church. On a scale of one to ten, that's a minus zero in my caring.
Just a few suggestions for those blessed ones who don't know what this is, this loss.
One day I will write about the things that people have said and done that are right and good and holy. But right now I am having a hard time getting beyond what I am doing wrong, how I am being judged and found wanting.
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