the bat faced voice

 

The voice the young girl hears is grey and streaked with harshness. It tells her: "you will always be second best, Loser!, no one will ever love you..".

She listens and sometimes repeats these as a mantra, scarring herself each time. She is creating her world without knowing it.

In time she realizes that she no longer hears that bat faced voice. When did it stop? 

Was it on the day she asked the Lord to help her as a young woman ? Or the day she finally turned her will over to the One who created her? Halleluiah it is gone. 

Soon another Voice, a smiling yellow butterfly voice,  called her by name and said:" I love you." Later the Voice suggested that she look for things to be grateful for, be on the look out for kindnesses. How this all changed her.  

And then this: "Each day be Christ to one person."

We become what we think. Giving thought to anything is creation: giving deliberate thought to anything is deliberate creation. What are we creating?

What brought me back?

 

How did I find my way back to the labyrinth? 

When John and I ran a retreat house on Edisto Island ,S.C. for a year, the labyrinth was in our yard at Sea of Peace, House of Prayer. Groups would come from Charleston to walk and share their spiritual experiences.

When troubled by a seemingly impossible family situation, I would drift out and wander the path until I reached the center. Always, I received something. Even if it was just my bemusement at our yellow lab who would walk with me and stand with me in the center until I was ready to walk back out. One day, I heard this "Give her whatever she wants". Direct guidance on how to handle a division of property. I did as I was told and the matter was resolved. 

In the notes that John left behind in the memories folder he writes about reading the handbook for labyrinths, "Walking a Sacred Path" by Lauren Artress. Was this where the suggestion, the whisper of a leading came from?

For 8 years I had been hesitant to take our writing group on field trips for logistical reasons. How much chaos would it involve to go on a Buddhist Poetry walk at the Wetlands, 4 miles away? I shudder. But now I was compelled to check out the nearest labyrinth and organize a walk. I called the Calvin Center and went to check the path out. Beautiful setting on a lake, a blue heron in the distance. Benches for writing but, Oh Lordy, the path was a tangle of life threatening weeds. I walked a second time, didn't trip and crash and knew I had to make this work.

The Center people cleared the path, bathrooms were near, the day was bright blue and perfect. Each walker has their own story but as I stood at the entrance I thought: "I am lost."

Then I heard: "I am here". As I slowly walked : "like the solid ground under your feet you are held," Then in a bit : "through all the twists and turns of your journey to come, you are held, you are on solid ground. And you are not alone. " The solid ground is Christ.

The rock labyrinth above is on the island of Iona off the coast of Scotland. This is the beach where St. Columba arrived and brought the faith to the Scots. As John walked that day in 2010, he felt his uniqueness. Uniqueness and so much else.

I continue on this path of sorrow and mystery, grateful for all the ways that I have been shown I am loved and never alone.

It is Worth It

 

When I strolled into that small park in Paris I had no idea my life was about to change.

It was a hot humid June morning and I was drooping from buying macrons, museum hopping and make-up shopping. When I spotted that oasis I darted across the street and entered. Ah, a bench amid the flowers and bushes.

The noise of the city, horns blaring, wheels screeching, was muted but still surrounded me. Maybe a quick prayer will calm my jangled nerves. "Jesus", I said and in a second the noise was gone. I slowly opened my eyes and found myself in a small peaceful, quiet room circled with chairs. To my left sat Francis of Assisi, then Therese, Teresa of Calcutta, Joan of Arc and finally Bernadette. I knew them right away. All sitting in the quiet as I took a chair. 

In my mind, because speech seemed an intrusion, I asked them how they persevered in the faith in this distracting, crazy world we live in. In unison I heard them say in my spirit; "Prayer." I sensed them all smiling as if they knew I knew that would be the answer.

I asked how they prayed. I heard this: 

"Constantly. Look for Him in everything. He is there. Keep Him as your special friend tucked away in your heart. Give Him everything; worries, concerns, fears, joys. Give it to Him. Mostly express your thanks , your deep infinite gratitude,  for the grace you were given that day when you asked Him into your life. He smiles at this."

Then I asked if they had anything else to tell me and this simple reply brought tears : "It is worth it." 

That day, that wonderful June day, I left the park with a new road map: Look for Him in everything, give Him everything and thank Him for everything.