A lovely "thinking of you" card came that demonstrated in just one word how no one gets this and never will until it is served on their plate.
"I hope this card takes away a little of your sadness." .All was well as this long time friend described what was going on in her life. Another new church family, living far from children, a new exercise facility and so on. Then the sadness remark. I sat up and cried. Sadness is when your football team loses the Super Bowl. Or your dog of 17 years has to be put down and you carry his collar around for two days. And the second is deep sadness which is why people now send cards but that word doesn't come close to what this is. The closest is desolation. Grey, desert, cloud covered bleakness.
The other day on Facebook someone posted that round Buddha face with closed eyes and knowing, semi-smile. The script read something like :" Attachment is the source of sorrow. Detachment is the source of peace." I wish someone had told me that before I started dating John 57 years ago and spent my whole life with him. I would have dated casually forever or if married, kept some distance. What was I thinking ?
I know this sounds petty, picking on a well meaning friend but this is the anger, frustration phase that has circled back again. It nudged out the depression for awhile. Sadness is not pounding the desk with closed fists and crying when you can't get the black ink cartridge in because you are on a deadline to get some forms copied and into your benefits office to pay for a hospital bill. That isn't sadness, it is full blown madness.
1 comment:
I'm so moved by your honesty here. I recently read Joyce Carol Oates's book "A Widow's Story: A Memoir." After her husband died suddenly, she entered fully into her grief and of course wrote about it exquisitely. You might find it of interest.
Sending love.
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