thank you for this hard time

Liz Clark art.

I had no idea I could trust this much. 

The bills will get paid, the roof won't leak, you will figure out how to scan. Do not panic that half your life has been ripped away. "I trust that You have this. You have had my whole life , why would you let me go now? Lord, I trust in You."

I had no idea how real the afterlife is.

The veil between here and there is quite thin and I believed that but now I know it. Deeply. My life with John continues in a new and different way. One day, after his passing , I asked John if he was still around. The next morning I was awakened to his voice loudly calling "Honey." Except for that day, I don't ask for these nudges, whispers, dreams, synchronicities but they come and for just a moment ease the pain. I am on my knees in gratitude. 

I had no idea how deeply I could love. I always knew that I didn't want to be away from John for more than two days and not having him in my life was unthinkable. But now I am in awe of how deep that love was and is and what a gift to have that in my life. It is not given to everyone, this kind of love.

 I had no idea what the beatitude: " Blessed are they who mourn, they shall be comforted" would look like. A friend who walks you out of church every Sunday, holding your hand. A note, a ham dinner, flowers, calls, songs, a book. They come, the Body of Christ, and they comfort. His people. 

One friend moved away a few years ago but her words as she reads my stories have been such a blessing. I have a small book that she sent "Grief Therapy". On page two I read this: " Be open to the pain of your broken heart. God enters through the brokenness". That's what I have been trying to say.