Thursday, February 10, 2022

Nudges part three





 It was a mystery from the beginning, that which I was led to after all these years. 

Sitting in a circle on a retreat in North Georgia, all eyes were closed. It is 1999 and I am in training for spiritual direction. The retreat leader said: "just be with the music.". It was Mahler's 5th symphony. It started with a quiet drifting sound and then it began to build and before I knew it, I was having a vision that to this day, I cannot explain. It was exactly like watching a movie.

A leaf drifted to the forest floor and I crushed it underfoot as I raced through the trees to escape. Someone sinister and frightening was chasing me. Why was I being led to search in my journals for this occasion when I haven't thought of it in years ? All I can recall is that after that "vision" long ago my love for John deepened in a way I cannot describe. I found the poem that tells the story.

                                                               The Leaf

                                      Drifting left, right, reaching the forest floor

                                      trampled underfoot by panicked fleeing woman

                                               woods black ,dark, dour

                                                      will I ever escape?

                                      chased by an evil man, hiding from the man,

                                     Hiding , hidden from the man unbidden.

                               No longer hear the steps, slowly out of hiding,

                                             where am I , where am I to go?

                                                   time and fear abiding.

                                    Suddenly out of the gloom to a rock outcropping

                           Gazing to a home road, heart pounding close to stopping.

                            It's the one I love agreeting,  arms outstretched, enfolding.

                                    Life goes on in beauty and pain, swells, recedes but

                                                   always bearing the imprint 

                                             of that fearful, blessed moment.

Ah, the words ,the words speak to me now.. Where am I, where do I go? Panicked. Will I ever escape from this place where I am? 

At the end of that journey was love and at the end of my journey there will be Love. Arms outstretched enfolding. .




1 comment:

Anonymous said...

A very noble story...all the answers await each of us in heaven...