early Christmas gift..

 

                          

I have written before how present John has been to me in these hard days of 2022. How I have spent my time trying to find him in his letters, my journal notes and other friends memories. How I woke up one morning to the sound of his voice calling "Honey". None of these things did I look for or expect. In this blessed case I will not ask: Why me?" I will just accept with a full heart.

   When I returned from Australia my focus has been on Christmas, getting gifts and writing to the people who I have gotten cards from who don't know that John is gone. I thought I had put my journal searching behind me. Oh, you foolish griever. I even told a dear friend that I felt John had moved on and I might be too.

 The next day I was rummaging through some art supplies and saw a journal from 2003-4 that had notes from time spent wandering alone through the wetlands near here. Ah, some nature writing , no searching just enjoy the memories of those hours in Nature. 

 Before I go on let me tell you about Christmas 2018 when John and I found ourselves alone for the first time in 50 years, having celebrated the week before with the kids. John was not happy. The thought came that we should go to the river and sketch or write haiku. Picture John Wayne being asked to do this : "Well, little lady, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard." Happily John agreed and the day being perfect and sunny we went and sat on logs as the river flowed peacefully by. It turned out to be a lovely day together. John did a sketch that day and since last year I have looked for it in vain. Where is it? 

I sat quietly in my room and opened the journal of 2003 and as I paged along, in the back was a drawing dated 12-25-2018 with the initials JJG. You know I cried. A friend said that is John's gift to you for this Christmas and I know its true. I have it framed by my desk next to a pot of dried weeds that I picked on the way home that day. Thank you, dear man, for that and everything.

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