the tough guy

  My hero was born into a large Irish Catholic family; he was the 7th child. His Mother was 40 when he arrived on Mother's Day and I think his parents may have been weary by then. I surmise that John tried very hard to find his place in that crowd and get some attention. He was the family clown . He was a good boy and I have a radio that was his as a young child; on it he scratched the words: "John is a fine boy". He wanted to be and he was.

Then came the teenage terrors and on a subway platform at 15 John turned his back on his true self to become a tough guy, his new persona. He searched for a long time for a good fit for who he was. Don't we all ? Church was out of the question for a tough guy.

Drifting into mid-life and unsure, an accident brought things to a head. Where am I going? What am I doing ? Choices. A Cursillo week-end, a jogging habit , focus on the family. A trip to Honduras with our youngest son after a devastating hurricane.

I have some words that he wrote in 2009. "I thought about the closeness to God (teenage and under) and the years of difficulty(20s) when moving away from God. The ins and outs, the turns, the coming closer and the moving away. Closer is better".

 In the years after, in the closer years, he led a group from our Church that took yearly mission trips to a Franciscan compound in Honduras. Doctors, nurses, dentists. And if ever it seemed like some praise might be coming his way, he was nowhere to be found. The leader role was a great fit.

 There is a plaque on the wall of a school in Ghana that he assisted in many ways. The last line reads : "He will be greatly missed."

And in all that serving he was a great father and role model to our four children.

John later found another niche assisting older people in our parish in a million ways. Playing chess, food shopping, doctors trips, just being with, finding new homes. One of the gentleman he helped eventually passed away and at the funeral his daughter was praising John for his selfless caring of her Dad. I found these words in my journal notes: 12-22-18" I told C. that John had given his heart to Christ." Three years later to the day, John left us. I just noticed that now as I type.

In 2006, as we were planning to run a retreat house in South Carolina, John wrote: "The Holy Spirit has been guiding my movements for a long time." Yes and the fine boy became a fine man.

 I wasn't going to go to Mass tonight, too cold, coming home in the dark. But on the way to church, this all came to me. I had no intention of writing something so personal but I know it was just another nudge. My John became God's. I know he is now giving all the praise to the One who turned his life around and made him exactly who He wanted him to be : His fine tough guy and mine.