Advent Journey Day 18 Prayer and Verbena soap.

   

 Once, many years ago, I worked in  a BellSouth office in Jonesboro. It was around Christmas and this day must have been particularly trying. One of my employees, Sue Cole, a lovely young woman with a gorgeous smile, must have sensed my tension. She quietly walked in, put a headset on my ears and started a tape player..What played has comforted me for years. The words, the words.

 I have started a prayer list and  I am being very faithful..It began with some Twitter friends who are atheists and then I added people that come in dreams,  friends and those battling diseases. It is filling fast.Today, on-line, Fr.Pavone, known for his dedication to the unborn asked for prayers for President Trump so I added this priest and our leader.

Long ago, I left the Church when a priest at Mass asked for prayers that the North Vietnamese would convert.I almost laughed out loud. I knew better. The problem with prayer is that most aren't answered immediately..I put my dime in and expect the candy to pop out. And in the color that I desire because I know what I want and what is good for me.

I am so glad to have reached this age when I can look back and see that prayers are answered. I have some journal notes about praying for an old friend that he come to believe. To even have found these notes from 12-26-'84 is amazing. While praying then,  I was told this:

 "Watch, wait and pray, keep praying every day. He is resisting because he knows his past life was fruitless-which it was .Have a friend pray also." Many years later, I found out that this friend had stopped resisting and turned toward the One who had been chasing him.

Here is something so touching and beautiful to ponder as we look for time to pray:

"Our prayer makes God glad and happy. He wants it and waits for it so that, by his grace ,he can make us as like him in condition as we were by creation...Our Lord himself is the first to receive our prayer, as I see it. He takes it, full of thanks and joy , and he sends it up above and sets it in the treasury, where it will never be lost. It is there, before God, with all his holy ones-continually heard, continually helping our needs. When we come to heaven, our prayers will be given to us as part of our reward-with endless, joyful thanks from God". Julian of Norwich.Anchorite,England 14th Century.

The tape that played that day was a song by Michael W.Smith called "All is Well.".To me these encouraging words suggest something else that Julian said :"All is well, all is well, all manner of things shall be well." We have no idea how many things God will make well.

Today, as I opened door 18 of the Advent Calendar I find Verbena soap from Provence. As I type,  I thank and pray for Sue, Julian,  Thomas Merton who reminded me of her today, my nephew Paul who gave me the Merton book and my wonderful daughter who gave me this Advent Calendar that has blessed every morning of this Advent Season.

Advent Journey Day 16-cosmic choice.

I can't recall the exact date when everything changed. We were living in a triplex in California in the early 70s. and I had all that I ever wanted, a gorgeous, good husband, two precious little children, a flower garden and the California sun. Why then did I feel this empty hole inside ? I was in the living room when I decided to throw this prayer into the wind: "God, if you are there, help me." That was it. No flashes, or drum rolls but I remember feeling better, as if I had done something positive. . I had left God behind a few years earlier. Not needed. Where is He anyway? The church goers I knew were all drunks. It was  irrelevant to my life. But that day I had indeed done something Cosmic. I had opened a door. Door opening is serious stuff in this Universe for good or for ill.

It is difficult to describe what came next unless you have experienced it. I bought a small book " The Quantity of a Hazelnut:" in a store  for a friend. Wow. This intelligent woman writer is a believer. Just excerpts of  her story of travelling with God; every word resonated. Taking home a book from the library that I thought was a love story and it turns out to be about St.Augustine's conversion. Bumping into spirit filled stories here and there. Things that I didn't get mentally, now were understood by the heart.

Lately, I have been rereading e-mails of an old friend from the neighborhood which we were blessed to share.Good kids, good fun, a great paradise that we didn't appreciate then. Ten minutes from the beach, maple trees lining every street.Very good schools.Doors unlocked at night.

Anyway, this friend had also walked away from the faith which cradled us as kids. 

In this e-mail he wrote :: ..."I did have a void in my life, yet I had no idea what was missing. It was several months after I sobered up until I started to realize what I was looking for and then not until I had started to find it.
It was God in my life. I just sort of let Him go over the years and it never occurred to me that it had happened. Kind of obvious now, but back then it was a great mystery that just eluded me.Things are different now...I do pray every night, I talk to God whenever I get the itch to and I no longer feel that hole in my soul. Things are different and definitely better. "

The Inn of our hearts.We can keep the door closed; we will be safe from His reach and then able to do whatever we wish.Or we can fling it open and embrace the story that we celebrate soon. That amazing, .unbelievable story that the Creator loves us so much , so eternally, without  limits, that he sent His Son to give us this cosmic choice, open the door to my Love or not..

Advent Journey -Day 12..

Apaquogue-Adolph Gottlieb

It is an unusual piece of modern art and I hesitated to offer it to the writing group a few years back.What a challenge.What would they see ? Each one now vividly remembers this art and we speak of it now and then.

My eyes immediately went to the pink circle and I thought, "This is Washington D.C. in the Spring." I have never viewed the wonderful explosion of pink in the Nation's Capital but I have seen pictures. Magical, light, swirling blossoms around the Tidal Basin with the Jefferson Monument in the background.The Japanese mayor of Tokyo, Yokio Osaki,   gifted the United Sates with 3000 cherry trees as a reminder of the bond between our two countries. Twenty -seven years later, they bombed our Naval Base at Pearl Harbor. Light and darkness. The black dot suggests the long wall of the Vietnam War  Monument , name after name carved in the shiny black granite. Lost in a war where the average age of the American soldier was 19.Light and darkness..

The red dot to me says that this city is the heart of us, where people serve and giants are remembered.Our history is on every street corner, in buildings, fountains and grass swathes of the cemeteries.I remember walking from tree to adorned tree one freezing January night, each one decorated to represent a state of this Union.Unique states, one Union.

The orange is the sun going down behind the city and shining on a page of a writer's book. He is Walt Whitman and this unique American is tending to the wounded of the Civil War while he writes poetry in the fading day. Light.

A visit to the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception here, years ago where I felt such love for the stranger sitting in front of me praying, that I thought I would burst. Light, just Light.

Another writer saw Nazi Concentration Camps and the trains coming in and out each day with bewildered Jews clutching their small bags. Visiting one in another time had brought such gloom to the writer that the black dot jumped out at her. Darkness.

I thought of this today because of the Cherry Blossom Hand Cream that popped out of Box 12 in my Advent Calendar. It is sliver, has pink flowers and I am smiling as I look at it. Henri Nounwen today is urging me to love the Lord with everything I have.Seek the Lord while He may be found. My whole heart,to Him.The people who walk in darkness have seen a great light.What would our world look like if each of us had this as our main focus ? What color would that be?....

What do you see in this art? Please comment.

Advent Journey Day 11-you had me at Bonjour

We are not supposed to like the French.They don't like us very much and I hear that tourists run into rude Frenchmen all the time. I have a different view which I will be glad to share as I open my French Advent Calendar for today. Ah, verbena body lotion. So sweet.

No one, not one person who saw Notre Dame burning last year was not moved to great compassion for the people who offer that holy, startling edifice to the world. I read comments on Facebook, tales of visits that have never been forgotten. My own visit, several years ago was transcendent. In the midst of the noise of shuffling feet and clicking Japanese cameras, I sat and gazed at the rose colored window and for 20 minutes, I was in God's presence. I felt Him, there, that day. And somehow in the 21st century it burned.

My daughter,daughter-in-law, granddaughter and I all went to Paris last June and the people we encountered were kind and patient as we tried to offer our broken French. A waiter who saw us weeping at our table over the imminent death of a dear friend, brought flutes of champagne for each of us and placed them down quietly, kindly and walked away.

In Nice,  the year before, I met a French boy, Clement. John and I were sitting one evening after dinner on a bench facing the Mediterranean Sea. Along came this little boy of about 4 years, blonde hair, blue eyes and a sweet smile. He hopped up on the bench and sat next to me. His mother was on her cell on the walk behind us. He smiled as I tried my stale French. Bateau? Chien? I would point and he would smile.Clement was not afraid of strangers and exuded a sweet peace, happy to be just were he was, wanting nothing else. I loved that child, little Clement. .He captured my heart in a half hour, this French boy.

And finally, my Advent companion, who I admit to not liking very much, this nun of Lisieux, Therese. I have never been able to relate to her words, her youth, her spoiled childhood but as it is in things of the spirit, eventually I come around. I finally get her. She says, "do small things with great love." I am now,thanks to her, trying. I will give an example of a small thing that shines like stars in our often cold Universe. Someone comes for spiritual direction.After the session, she walked our chilly neighborhood and then sat on the porch. My husband noticed and brought her a cup of hot tea with honey on the tray and a spoon.Later, she tells how that warmed her body and soul.

I see these small things, flutes, smiles, tea and I feel joy knowing there are places where such things happen.

Advent Journey Day 10

A very mild December day greets Georgia this morning. The grey, brown and tawny deer arrive for their corn which was originally meant to entice the squirrels from the bird feeders. Instead, other neighbors come by;  the deer,  a raccoon crowd, crows and the turkeys. They all drift out of the woods like ghosts to rummage around in the leaves.No rushing , just drifting around and eating the corn.

Recently, I met with a person in spiritual direction who said that at this time of life, her prayer is  that she immediately responds to the urging of the Spirit. That she recognizes the Voice and does what is asked. Nouwen seems to be saying the same thing in his writings in "The Spirituality of Waiting".He says that God is always waiting for our response to his love.I can see that; infinite, waiting, patience. Like a shepherd hoping that that smallest of sheep will not venture towards that yawning depth beyond the cliff, but will listen to his voice and follow to the good feed on the safe plain.

 I am not good at waiting. The clock ticks.Many times when we pray for a person we are then asked to act. Be part of the answer. Right now, I feel this strong push to write a letter to a person who walked away from God years ago and yet I hesitate, waiting for a clear sign. Don't I know by now what that push is and how God will handle the rest? As I type, I know what I must do.I ask for prayers that my words will be true and give God the glory and do the work of the One who saved me 50 years ago.Thank you.

Advent Journey Day 8

 


The people who walk in darkness have seen a great Light. That light flickers and then warms every Sunday at Mass. My encounters with Light bearers. The Body of Christ..

 John and I try to sit in the same spot every Sunday in OUR  pew.We all seem to do this, we who have been at this church for years.We look to see if Jennifer is there where she belongs.She waves, smiles and the candles burn brighter. While my eyes are closed praying, a friend comes by and leaves me a poem. A year ago, I didn't know this special woman, now she and I have a treasured connection.

In the back, behind us, is a friend for years. He who is the anchor of his family, always smiles from his spot as I come back from Communion. I count on it. He reads every story that I write and his LIKE on Facebook keeps me writing.

After Mass today,  I spent some time talking with a friend who is writing a book and we laugh over things that happened in our writing group last year. He always makes me smile with his understanding of the challenges of writing, he who has actually published a book..

 Today, the second purple candle was lit on the Advent wreath to mark the second week of this journey. And in the readings I seem to hear an awful lot about mountains. Holy mountains, safe without harm mountains, the mountains that shall yield peace for the people.


We could use this peace now, this image of a holy mountain that we all can stream towards together, where we will be embraced by the One who has loved us from eternity. But I am here, now and my Church community is the closest I will come to what I seek.

Advent Journey Day 7-lavender path.

Lavender Horizon-Maria Bertran

Today's gift from the Advent Calendar is a small lavender hand cream. The scent is subtle, sweet and delicious.It makes me think of a picture I saw once of a labyrinth in California whose path was lined with deep purple lavender plants. The color lent to the curving path left me breathless.

 For some reason most of my thoughts, prayers and guidance this Advent are connected to the deceased. Merton, St.Therese, Nouwen and Isaiah. Also, lost friends and relations.My mind travels back to a walk on a plain labyrinth in a church yard in Woodstock, New York a few years ago.I took my sister with me in my mind and on the way I learned this from the Lord:" my sister hadn't felt loved one day in her life .Not one day." The cracking of my heart echoed off the surrounding mountains.How had I contributed to that feeling over the years never understanding the depression that descended on her in her 11th year?

And so I think I will take a stroll on the lavender labyrinth right now. I stop in silence at the entrance and ask God to lead my thoughts to where He wishes they go. I notice some bright white stones on the path and pick one up to take with me. It becomes warm in my palm.

At the first turn I stop, close me eyes and say this: "You were loved and still are by a good husband, five adoring daughters and by me, your little sister.I pray you rest in the arms of Love now. "Moving on, I am circling back towards the entrance.I stop again and pray this: "May the peace of Christ which knows no boundary envelope your soul this day, my friend, Michael. And may we meet again in that holy place where you already reside."..

At one curve there is a small wooden bench so I leave the labyrinth and sit down visualizing my friend Timmy next to me.He has left fear and doubts behind and is now willing to sing with me, small hymns of praise. My heart is full as I go back to the path.

One last pause where I mention all on my prayer list by name and difficulty: loss of faith, disease, homelessness, despair, poverty, addiction and so on.In my mind, I see them surrounded by angels and bathed in the golden Love of the Creator who many have been running from for years.It's all there,I can see it enfolding them in shades of gold, pink and bright yellow.They can't escape this enveloping Love.

I am at the end of the path; it is time to walk back out. Before I do,. I place the warm white stone in the center, pick a small sprig of lavender and lay it across the stone. It represents all the love I feel for the people that had walked with me." Let it go, trusting your prayers are heard," the labyrinth says. I do.

Advent Journey Day 5

  Sometimes, before Mass, I feel called to go up and visit Our Lady of Guadalupe, a beautiful wooden carved statue to the right to the altar. Our conversations are brief. Me: "Thank you".She: "pray." Me:" Take this, I don't know what to do with this.". She: "Pray". One day, when handing her the names of some non- believers, she said: "Make a list." I never thought of that but I can do it. My list is growing and I speak the names daily and mention the need. Many are on Twitter who seem to be at the end of their ropes. Poor, homeless, despairing, all are lifted up to the heavens in a connection that cannot be understood..

 When I had lunch with my new friend, Mary, on Tuesday, she mentioned a childhood friend of mine, Timmy,  who is her uncle. We were kids on Long Island and had so many adventures. We found a grey and white kitten once and named her Shadow. We planted a dogwood, called it Fortis Arbor;  it still grows in the yard that used to be mine. Strong tree, indeed.When his father was dying of a cruel cancer, he would come to my house and watch me do homework. And we would laugh., how we would laugh. After I got married,  he went off to the seminary but came home after only 6 months.Years later, he would travel to the Catskills to attend my sister's funeral. That gesture shines like a glimpse of sunlight in my memory..

Now we come to today's reading from Henri Nouwen; " If you want to follow Jesus, you must control what you take in everyday...it is good to have a prayer on your lips wherever you go.There are so many moments when you are free to pray....."
And 1 Thessalonians 5: "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Somewhere along the way, perhaps because of many losses, my friend lost the faith that we both shared those many years ago. I would love to sit on a bench in a quiet morning with my friend him and hear about  the road he took to unbelief. When he walks his 13 miles a day, what path do his thoughts take? For now, he is on my list. Between his niece praying for him and being on my prayer list, he is being held in a Love that is indescribable. One day, he will see.

Advent day 4-with a grateful heart.

Houses on a Hill-Winslow Homer

One of the great satisfactions of my life has come very unexpectedly. A writing group. This joyful gathering of women and one man who look at a piece of art and then dip into their endless pool of creativity. to find a story. It is God's work they do, bringing beauty and truth out into the world.. We all sit amazed at the miracle that is writing.

My first written blog post dealt with the death of my sister;  writing,  processing her leaving us too early. At the time, I had one follower, a childhood friend who read everything I wrote for years. Our houses were near each other in Uniondale, NY. He passed away two years ago and I miss his place at the table of my life.

I vividly recall one of his first comments: "Sharon, I like the story but you are no Ernest Hemingway." Boom. Nevertheless, my writing continued and so did his reading and in those stories he would appear from time to time. I wanted him to know what he had meant to me for 60 years. A few years later , he wrote this: "Buckle up for here is my take on your writing: your writing continues to get better and better from where I sit. I was reading the "Maltese Falcon" this a.m. while in the doctor's office and it made me think how your writing has progressed in your ability to more fully brocade your sentences and thoughts, The are so much more alive."Nov.2011

It was only yesterday when I had lunch with his lovely grown daughter, Mary, that I was able to see that without his encouragement I would never have come to start this group of writers. Every writer needs a reader. He is not here to thank and the tears that are forming tell me how much I wish I could tell him about the part he played in the great happiness of my seventh decade.Prior to meeting with his daughter, I reread some of the e-mails I saved from our friendship.I uncovered nuggets of wisdom, small gold flashes that I missed the first time. Knowing my friend, he could never handle this kind of praise and gratitude so I thank his daughter for meeting with me.Talking to her helped me to see.

"To know someone here and there whom we accord with, who is living on with us,  even in silence-this makes our earthly ball a peopled garden."Goethe

Advent Day 3-roses.

Olga Shvartsur-Red Rose

Door number three contained a sweet smelling rose scented hand cream.

I am named for the Rose of Sharon, one of the many titles for Mary, Our Queen. Sharon being a plain in the Holy Land.She is the blooming flower of that plain. Ignored by me for decades she finally she got my attention in beautiful dreams, a vision and an encounter with a Buddhist. By saying her rosary, I hold her hand.. She wanted me to walk with her and I am. Her "yes" brought the great story into being. He is the blossom and she, the stem.

Mary and Saint Therese are often associated with roses. I have a friend who has St.Therese as a spiritual companion and the day of her young son's funeral, she came home to find the scent of roses filling her house, though none were there.

In today's Advent reading, Nouwen suggests that we need balance in our lives.We have often heard this. prayer and works. We are incomplete without both.We need the time in the desert where you can hear words like this from Isaiah:

"But a shoot shall sprout from the stem of Jesse, and from his roots a bud shall blossom.
The spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him: a spirit of wisdom and of understanding, a spirit of counsel and of strength, a spirit of knowledge and of fear of the Lord......" ..in the quiet, I can hear the story of the Savior and hold the hand of the Mother.

Advent Journey -Day 2

                 "Love comes from prayer and prayer from remaining in seclusion." Isaac of Syria

Anselm Kiefer

  This quote that I found today in my book, "A Year With Thomas Merton", recalls a conversation I had with my son the other night while we were gathered celebrating a family occasion. He was telling me about the activities that his kids are participating in.He has a 7 year old girl and a 5 year old boy and they run, swim, do Scouts; he is happy for them but yearning for a quiet minute. I get it.We had a few laughs about what introverts we and his sister are and that the favorite words of a true introvert are:" the party has been cancelled."

Which brings me to today's Advent theme which is "patience".The root word is "patior" which means to suffer. Ugh. And it relates to waiting for God in seclusion and quiet. It is not about overcoming the annoyance of robo calls. I have found a spot for seclusion in my guest room. It is in a corner by the window with the sun streaming across the pages of my journal. A small cup from Slovakia holds my favorite pens, a rosary is on the back of the old wooden straight back chair. A rooted philodendron is next to the pens. It is there that I learn about love from the scriptures, Merton, St.Therese ,Nouwen and my own journal notes.It is there that I wait on the Lord to answer prayers. Patiently. It is on that chair that I pray for my list of people that grows daily, knowing that I may never see what my prayers do for the suffering. Patience.

As I sit, a female Cardinal appears on the top of the air conditioning unit as if to say that I am not alone in my prayers.Lord, give us patience to see obstacles as doors and hindrances as something that became a way.


The second gift from the Advent Calendar is lip balm.....

                                                             windy December
                                                   may my lips speak only love
                                                              learned in seclusion

Advent Journey-Day 1

The first door of the French Advent Calendar(see previous post)  is open and there was a small hand cream produced in Provence.A sweet surprise. In practicing Abundance, it is the surprises that I notice. While walking in the new subdivision next to us, I spotted at least ten small yellow daisy-like plants growing in the bare soil.Color! Yay!.And now a small hand cream behind a little door.

This is a quote from today's Advent reading by Henri Nouwen:  "I keep expecting impressive events to convince me and others of God's saving power...Our temptation is to be distracted by looking for them.when I have no eyes for the small signs of God's Presence-the smile of a baby....words of encouragement.....gestures of love...if I only look for the gigantic, I will always remain tempted to despair."

And so I think of the small pot containing tiny black seeds of a morning glory, gathered from a plant 6 years after the first ones appeared in stunning blue color in my garden.How did they get there ? Now they pop up in such unexpected places in my yard. Each time I spot those distinctive leaves, I feel giddy.

My small act to fill the emptiness of winter was to send this same Advent booklet that I am using with Nouwen quotes to a friend for their Advent journey. I realize that Henri and I are very much on the same page. Look, notice, the signs are there.

"Come let us climb the Lord's mountain, to the House of the God of Jacob,that He may instruct us in His ways and we may walk in His paths" Isaiah 2:3