Advent Journey Day 16-cosmic choice.

I can't recall the exact date when everything changed. We were living in a triplex in California in the early 70s. and I had all that I ever wanted, a gorgeous, good husband, two precious little children, a flower garden and the California sun. Why then did I feel this empty hole inside ? I was in the living room when I decided to throw this prayer into the wind: "God, if you are there, help me." That was it. No flashes, or drum rolls but I remember feeling better, as if I had done something positive. . I had left God behind a few years earlier. Not needed. Where is He anyway? The church goers I knew were all drunks. It was  irrelevant to my life. But that day I had indeed done something Cosmic. I had opened a door. Door opening is serious stuff in this Universe for good or for ill.

It is difficult to describe what came next unless you have experienced it. I bought a small book " The Quantity of a Hazelnut:" in a store  for a friend. Wow. This intelligent woman writer is a believer. Just excerpts of  her story of travelling with God; every word resonated. Taking home a book from the library that I thought was a love story and it turns out to be about St.Augustine's conversion. Bumping into spirit filled stories here and there. Things that I didn't get mentally, now were understood by the heart.

Lately, I have been rereading e-mails of an old friend from the neighborhood which we were blessed to share.Good kids, good fun, a great paradise that we didn't appreciate then. Ten minutes from the beach, maple trees lining every street.Very good schools.Doors unlocked at night.

Anyway, this friend had also walked away from the faith which cradled us as kids. 

In this e-mail he wrote :: ..."I did have a void in my life, yet I had no idea what was missing. It was several months after I sobered up until I started to realize what I was looking for and then not until I had started to find it.
It was God in my life. I just sort of let Him go over the years and it never occurred to me that it had happened. Kind of obvious now, but back then it was a great mystery that just eluded me.Things are different now...I do pray every night, I talk to God whenever I get the itch to and I no longer feel that hole in my soul. Things are different and definitely better. "

The Inn of our hearts.We can keep the door closed; we will be safe from His reach and then able to do whatever we wish.Or we can fling it open and embrace the story that we celebrate soon. That amazing, .unbelievable story that the Creator loves us so much , so eternally, without  limits, that he sent His Son to give us this cosmic choice, open the door to my Love or not..